simtarts | Cape Calamity Prosperity Saga - Episode One: The Jedi Family

A long time ago..... (the 1970s)
In a galaxy far, far away..... (Strangetown)

Two young Sims met while camping out in line for the Strangetown premiere of The Empire Strikes Back. She wore her hair in Princess Leia buns, and he had two light-sabers attached to his belt. It was geek love and first near-sighted sight.

They got married, as you do, and at the end of the 80s birthed three sons: Han, Chewie, and Luke. And then, just to make sure that the blight of absolutely geekery was on them forever, they changed their surname to Jedi.

And so we meet the Jedi brothers.

Luke was the youngest, the blond sheep of the family. Feeling burnt out in the dry desert heat--much like Luke Skywalker did on Tatooine--Luke left Strangetown in search of adventure. His search led him to mysterious Cape Calamity, a town that rivaled Strangetown for the rumors and mystery that surrounded it.

He didn't count on his older brothers following him. Both were without jobs or prospects, and Luke knew it would be difficult to have adventures with his big brothers watching over him. Still, Luke couldn't see fit to turn them away. They were brothers, after all, and they had always stuck together. The house was a bit cramped for three people and one cat, but they'd make do somehow.

They had their squabbles, usually about money (since they didn't have much of it), but Han was always the one to smooth things over. You'd think he was a family Sim, with the way he doted on both his little brothers. He was known to wait outside the bathroom for twenty Sim minutes, just to deliver Luke a family kiss.

He kissed Chewie a lot, too. Chewie hated it, but somehow found it impossible to resist.

Han was not actually a family Sim, but his 10 nice points made it so that he was certifiably unable to withstand any angry vibes in the house. He was also a martial arts expert and wore his uniform at all times, feeling that it contributed to the peacefulness of his inner Chi.

Chewie was a popularity Sim, but his only friend in the world was the brothers' kitten, Leia. Much like Jabba the Hut did to Leia in Return of the Jedi, Chewie pestered and fondled Leia the cat at all hours of the night; it was a wonder how the poor creature got any sleep at all.

Luke had his own reasons for settling down in Cape Calamity. His greatest desire was to become a space pirate and explore the corners of the galaxy, much like his namesake Luke Skywalker. Fortunately, Cape Calamity was an excellent place for an aspiring Adventurer to get work.

The knowledge Sim in him was also intrigued by the strange happenings in Cape Calamity. Recently, there was much talk of how Condition X must have originated on the Cape, leaving plenty of inhabitants with odd skin, peculiar habits, and pointy ears.

Luke had pointy ears himself, as did his brothers; it was the result of his Great-Grandfather's abduction by Pollination Tech 9 nearly one hundred years ago. Strangetown had ended up as a bit of a retirement community for certain species of aliens, but it remained a quiet, sleepy town, slipping under the radar of the News organizations.

By contrast, television talk-show hosts and radio deejays were always stirring rumors about the unusual folk in Cape Calamity. Luke's own theory was that a nest of aliens and supernatural creatures had decided to make the town their home some years back, if only because it was an easy place to blame their odd appearance on the ravages of Condition X.

Luke spent most of his days working up the Adventurer career ladder, while his brothers slept during the daylight hours. Neither bothered with a bed, but instead collapsed wherever they happened to sitting when the Mountain Dew high finally wore off.

Once they roused again, they filled their time with grilled cheese sandwiches and Sci-Fi movie marathons on cable. Sometimes Han would slip in an episode of Tyra or Oprah, too--he just couldn't help it! The most physical activity they ever got was when Han practiced his kung-fu moves on Chewie.

One day, after returning home from work to find that his brothers had been useless yet again, Luke uncharacteristically started an argument with Chewie.

"How long is this going to go on?" He asked. "I'm the youngest, and yet I'm supporting both of you! I don't care if you're waiting around for the perfect sports career to show up in the newspaper - you need to get a job, any job!"

"Why are you so corporate, man?" Chewie snarled. His voice was quite like a Wookie's, actually. "Should I build you an altar so you can pray to your favorite God, the Almighty Simoleon? Relax and live a little, bro, or I'll stuff you in the laundry hamper."

Han hung back uncertainly during the argument; he hated conflict.

Luke, who didn't like conflict much himself, let the subject drop.

His frustration at his brothers was forgotten when he received a promotion the next day. He would be a spelunker, now. What a fantastic opportunity to explore the tidal caves of Cape Calamity! Perhaps there, he would find evidence of the alien creatures who must have surely colonized the Cape long ago.

Thanks to his promotion, Luke was in such a good mood that he actually greeted a young woman who was walking down the street. Luke almost always ignored walk-bys, especially female ones, but he was in a rare mood today.

"Hey! Nice day out, isn't it?" he said conversationally.

"Is it? I suppose it is rather a nice day, now that you mention it," she replied.

The more he spoke with her, the more Luke realized that he felt like celebrating and being sociable. He could have celebrated with his brothers, sure, but they might've taken his job promotion as further reason to stay on unemployment.

For the first time since moving to Cape Calamity, Luke wanted to hit the town and meet the people. He went inside and changed out of his street clothes, then called up a taxi to take him downtown.

The first club Luke visited very nearly made him wish he had stayed home. The decor and furniture was so tacky! Was he really supposed to drink alcohol while sitting at a neon-lit bar? He wasn't one of those beautiful people who belonged in a beer commercial, so what the hell was he doing here?

His excitement returned, though, when he spotted an unusual looking woman lurking by the pinball machines. Her pale skin, elaborate headdress, and gaudy, gothic clothes marked her as a creature of the night, a vampire. Luke had heard rumors of their growing numbers in Cape Calamity, but this was his first time seeing one up close.

"Excuse me, Miss!" he said, unable to hide his excitement. "I realize you probably tell people you have Condition X, but I was wondering..." -- he lowered his voice slightly -- "...if you're not in fact a vampire?"

She laughed, showing fang. "Let's just say that my Condition X prevents me from ever going out in the sun, if you know what I mean."

And with that, she turned into a bat and flapped away from the premises.

Luke hoped from one bar to another, and saw a dizzying array of unusual looking folk. Some of them might have been aliens or supernaturals. Others might have just been ravers. By the time he settled in at P.U.R.E. he was so drunk that he didn't even notice when an old geezer swiped his blue margarita out from under his nose.

He leaned into the bar to order another drink. Before he did, though, he looked around quickly to see if there were any single women in need of a refreshment. Suave men were always buying single women drinks, so perhaps he ought to try it.

Jumping off his bar stool, Luke stumbled towards the first single-looking woman he saw. She was a rather surly looking blond, but Luke was too punchy to notice her cold body language.

"Did you see a vampire stalking around here, by chance?" he asked hiccuping. "I mean, not a real vampire, but a really pale woman with a sun allergy."

"What?" The woman said. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She turned away slightly and bobbed her head a little to the music. The song that was playing was one Luke had heard blaring out of car radios. Something about Ra-ra-ro-ma-ma and doing bad romance.

"You like this song?" He blurted out foolishly. "Let's dance!" He tried to take her hand and lead her onto the dance floor, but she yanked her arm away, glaring at him.

Her expression was like being doused with a bucket of ice water. Luke sobered up at once and shrank away in embarrassment, his shyness taking over. "Sorry," he mumbled, looking down at his feet.

Maybe she was more drunk that he realized, or maybe he looked so pathetic she just felt sorry for him. Whatever the reason, she suddenly pulled him close and whispered in his ear.

"Meet me in the photobooth."

And then she sauntered away, leaving Luke dumbfounded. What would happen in the photobooth? Is that where her huge, knife-weilding boyfriend was hiding?

Against his better judgment, Luke followed her into a much quieter part of the club. The photobooth was tucked away into a corner, and when Luke pulled back the curtain, he found the blond woman waiting inside. Alone.

Less than three seconds later, Luke emerged from the photobooth with a giant grin plastered across his face. He hadn't gotten that much action from a girl since Gina Simmons, who he'd made out with after the Mos Eisley Cantina mixer at Star Wars camp.

What a great day this had been: a promotion, a vampire-sighting, and his very first WooHoo! Luke felt on top of the world.

It never occurred to him to ask the blond woman for her name. Nor did it occur to him that it might be a bad omen to have a song like "Bad Romance" playing during his first WooHoo.

It must have been a full moon out or something, because when Luke returned home, he discovered Han in the kitchen, having his first make out session with the cute walk-by that Luke had greeted earlier.

They were really swapping a lot of sloppy DNA, and in the kitchen no less, but Luke was in too high of spirits to stop them.

Luke even allowed Han to escort the girl to his bedroom. He'd been meaning to change the sheets, anyway.

And so when Luke went to sleep it was in Han's tiny, single bed, where he had nothing but sweet dreams of the future.

Later, after the cute walk-by had left, Han found Chewie out on the back porch, cuddling Leia, as usual.

"Hey Chewie," Han said, greeting him with a kiss. "Did you see Luke come home a while ago?"

"Yeah, I saw him. He was drunk on girl drinks, the puss."

"He looked pretty chipper, don't ya think? Do you suppose he got any action tonight?"

"Are you joking?" Chewie grinned broadly. "He couldn't score if he was Roger Federer, and neither could you!"

Which showed just how much Chewie knew.

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Thanks for reading. :) Next up, the Trammpe family!