simtarts

If there was ever a family who knew how to grab life by the cojones and squeeze, it was the Strapping family, where competition, adventure, and extremes were valued above all else. Where even a simple game of rock-paper-scissors was treated with the seriousness of olympic competition.

The force behind this whirlwind was Russ Strapping, a modern-day cowboy with a flair for the rebel's cause. Whenever the opportunity for fun presented itself, Russ took the plunge, and he encouraged his children to do the same. What was life for, if not to be lived to the hilt?

Following in her father's footsteps, little Lottie was both fearless and fun-loving. By the age of six she could cliff-dive, water ski, and swim the entire length of Bad Fortune Bay without water wings.

Teenager Ace had fervor and ambition of his own, but he directed it at the almighty simoleon. He wanted to take a bite out of life, sure, but he wanted to cover it in 24-karat gold before having his first taste. Yum!

Even baby Mustang was unusually aggressive and determined for a toddler. He treated his skill-building toys as if were enemies that he would tame into submission, come hell or high-water.

This rowdy band of rabble-rousers was not without its calm and balanced center, and like a fairy godmother or the Dali Lama, a she restored harmony and peace amidst her brood with an ease that even June Cleaver would envy.

Her name was Zhanna, and both her exotic beauty and thick, foreigner's accent made her the subject of much rumor and speculation amongst the population of Cape Calamity.

Very little was known about either her origins or her past. Her accent seemed to mark her as a native of Simsylvania or Simberia, but she never mentioned either country, instead behaving as if she had lived in Simmerica her whole life. Everyone knew that wasn't true, though--she had simply arrived on the Cape one day and then married Russ Strapping on the very next.

One witness claimed that the mysterious Zhanna had arrived on the Cape in the middle of the night, driven in a sleek limo and dressed like a street thug. She had been dropped off on a deserted street and had been living on the Cape ever since.

A more romantic rumor had Zhanna washing ashore, naked and exhausted after having swam the whole Simlantic Ocean in order to escape the tyranny of her native land.

There were several variations on this particular rumor: in one of them, she was an exiled princess fleeing a loveless marriage; in another she was not human at all but instead a former mermaid who had been tragically cursed with legs.

Others still claimed that wherever she hailed from, in her former country she must have been a man.

And then there was the camp of folk who didn't give a hoot where she came from--they were just happy that she had apparently tamed the town tarzan, Russ Strapping.

Those who were curious could have just asked him about his wife and her backstory, but they preferred to spin their rumors instead, all while keeping them clear of Russ' ears. No one wanted to tangle with him, his fists, or his truck of blue-flames, The Blue Hell Beast.

Despite her mastery of domestic perfection, Zhanna was no stepford wife. She cultivated a loving relationship with her family not out of wifely duty, but because she saw them as her best friends. With them she shared almost everything--no boundaries keep them apart.

"Do you need anything, my darling?" she asked, unfazed whenever Ace walked in on her in the bathroom. "Do you need to pee-pee? Should Mommy hurry, yes?"

In fact, prudishness was discouraged in all respects. Ace spoke openly of his desire to experience his first Woohoo, and Zhanna listened with keen interest, offering what advice she could.

"Zere is a man with red hair who I see at market, and he is very attractive. When I see him, my loins do swell with the tingles. If you are a gay, I think you go for him, my darling."

Even with her husband present, Zhanna voiced her feelings of tawdry lust. It wasn't as if she planned to act on them, after all. Russ loved her exactly as she was, and he simply smiled at her words and dug into his mac and cheese.

For years, Russ had worked with an independent band of submarine scavengers, who launched out in submarines every morning to scour the bottom of the ocean for old treasures that they could sell on eBay. It wasn't an entirely legal practice, but no one had tried to stop them yet, and altogether they made a pretty tidy profit, plundering the sea like modern-day pirates.

Unfortunately, his plundering days were about to come to an end.

One morning, Russ discovered that his submarine missing from the bay. When a search of the surrounding beach and the house revealed that Lottie was also nowhere to be found, a panic ensued and the authorities were called. Firefighters, cops, paramedics, and journalists swarmed over the house, most of them far more interested in the unfolding drama than finding Lottie safe and sound.

Lottie was found, eventually. It turned out that she had just fallen asleep in her toybox again. As for the submarine, it must have been stolen by a rival band of scavengers.

Rather than rejoicing when Lottie re-emerged, the authorities were furious to discover that their time, resources, and money had been wasted. They lectured Zhanna for nearly an hour; as the Mother, she was the target for most of their fury.

Without the money to pay for the hefty fines, everything in the Strapping house became fair game. The police officer was the first to stake a claim. The wicked smile on her face indicated that she truly enjoyed this part of her job, and Zhanna could only turn her back, too sick to her stomach to watch.

The firefighter moved upstairs to assess the plumbing, and they were fortunate that he took the sink instead of one of their few, precious toilets.

Zhanna lamented the loss of her houseplants the most. She had raised and nurtured them as seedlings, and had chatted with them on a daily basis, as if they were close and personal friends of the family. It hurt her to imagine them locked up in some evidence room, or sold at a policeman's ball for a scant handful of simoleons.

Russ was not just minus a sink and some plants, he was minus a job, too. The judge who oversaw the case accused him of having staged Lottie's disappearance as a publicity stunt, and, as punishment, Russ was banned from ever touching a submarine again.

He managed to find a new job quickly, but it was a lowly, boring position as a test subject for the Cape Calamity Chem Co. Letting doctors poke him with needles and dose him with drugs was not his idea of living life to the hilt.

One day, while her husband was working at his new job, Zhanna did something she had never done before: she hired a babysitter.

Though they couldn't really afford a babysitter, Zhanna felt anxious about their mounting fines and bills. She thought perhaps if she could get a little work in town, Russ wouldn't have to spend such long hours at the lab.

She was worried, though, when the babysitter turned out to have Condition X. Russ was suspicious of people with the Condition; he called them "freaks" and cautioned his family to steer clear of them. Zhanna herself wasn't too concerned, though--she would simply have to come home and dismiss the babysitter before Russ returned from work.

She wandered around town aimlessly, popping into various establishments when she realized that she had never really explored Cape Calamity before. She'd been too busy warming the homefires. She would have probably enjoyed herself more if her rage over the incident with the police didn't keep resurfacing.

At a Karaoke Klub, Zhanna grabbed hold of a mic and sang a long, lamenting song about the struggles of her native people. She sang in a language that wasn't Simlish, wailing with a passion and emotion that the audience found strange and...inappropriate. Zhanna didn't care, though; it felt good to release her pain through song.

It also brought back old memories for her. Long ago, music had been one of her greatest pleasures. She had spent many a long night singing for her coterie with a little harp perched on he lap. They had drank wine and danced to the rhythm of her songs, then clapped and called out for more.

Because she knew they had a piano in the lobby, Zhanna walked down the street to the Bayside Hotel. She slid up to the instrument and lightly touched the ivory keys, tentatively at first. It was like getting reacquainted with an old friend. Perhaps music could be her calling once again, though?

"Ah, I remember zat song well," said a man's voice behind her. "Its beauty has not faded, and neither has yours, Zhanna."

Zhanna went cold at the familiar voice. Turning around, she winced at the sight of him--his face was one she had hoped she would never see again.

"What are you wanting?" she gasped, forgetting for the moment that they were in the lobby of a hotel, with plenty of witnesses about.

"You look unhappy to see me," he said. He still dressed like an old world dilettante and kept his hair longer than a girl's. Some things never changed, and he was one of them.

"I am surprised to see you," she confessed.

"Zhanna!" a voice boomed across the lobby, almost inhuman in its strength. The owner of the voice appeared beside her, then leaned in and flashed a lurid grin. "Have you come here to say hello? How nice of you to abandon your new family for ze sake of a little reunion..."

At the mention of Zhanna's family, a jolt of fear went through her. She thought of her baby Mustang, at home with only a feeble, furry of a babysitter to protect him.

And so, without a goodbye of any sort, Zhanna fled the hotel, running straight for home.

When she finally reached it, she found the house in chaos. The living room was half-flooded, Ace was trashing the furniture, and Mustang was nearly choking in waves of stink.

But other than that, they were fine. Just fine. Zhanna forced herself to calm down, then got out a mop for the floor.

The next morning, after watching the sunrise, Russ gave her an uncharacteristically shy smile.

"I know things ain't been too good lately, but I still love you to high heaven, Zhanna. Do you still love me?"

"Of course I still love you my darling," she said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than she felt. She did love him, but that love wasn't enough to chase her worries away. The dilettante's smooth voice still haunted her thoughts, and he was out there, somewhere--waiting for her.

"Great!" Russ said, smiling obliviously. "What do you say we mosey on to the bedroom and get to work on the sixth member of the Strapping family?"

And so they embraced upon the bed, pretending, at least for the moment, that things were back to the way they had always been.

***

DUN DUN DUN! And that's the end of episode one for each family. Episode two of the Boxcar family is next.