simtarts

Warnings/bonuses: foul language and sim-sex

Meet Christophe French! He's not just a French, he's French. Oui oui!

As you can see, he's a super-serius knowledge sim.

NOT

Christophe French
Pleasure - Become Celebrity Chef
4 - sloppy
0 - shy
10 - active
10 - playful
1 - grouchers
Turn ons - makeup and full-face
Turn offs - hats
zodiac - I forget!

Christophe is the first torch-holder of this ISBI legacy. He's going
to be a bitch to control himself because his 10 playful points will
mean he's never having any fun and his aspiration means he'll have
lots of annoying, stupid wants. Yay!

Annoying, stupid want #1

You deserve this misery. Probably.

Christophe: I like to drink in DARK BARS so I don't have to see
how ugly everyone is. XD

Christophe: Like that cow who stole my drink. HOW DARE YOU.

Christophe: I beat her up now, okay? :D

Ewwww, put yer mits away, Chris. They look weird in this lighting.

He things Marisa Benditt or whatever her name is looks like a frog.
He's right!

This blondie from the welcome-wagon flirted with him, though.
He liked it.

He wanted to return the favor by cooking her chili. He has all those
mad chef skillz, after all - he's French!

Christophe: MERDE!

Christophe: I burnt the chili, man.

Darren Dreamer was decided this was an economical way to recycle food-
stuffs and ate the chili anyway.

Playing in the tub makes EVERYTHING better.

Christophe: I'M AT A BOWLING ALLEY AND I'M NOT HAVING ANY FUN
WHYYYYYYYY? I WANT MY TUB BACK

Christophe: *freestyles*

Just what the world needs. Another white French rapper in Buddy Holly glasses.

Christophe: Hi, so do you want to date a virgin?
Pigtails: Get off.

What can I say, bb. Bitches are bitches.

Christophe is slow to learn the customs of Pleasantville.

Pigtails also stole his spaghetti right out from under his nose.

And then he waited so long for his own food that he started to stink.

Christophe: I have no qualms about scrubbing my pits in the
bowling alley bathroom. None!

I will go boolprop on you before I let you become a mime, Frenchy.

He called up welcome-wagon blonde and asked her out on a date.
She accepted!

But she didn't put out. :(

Christophe: *in Flava Flav voice* FRENCHY-FREEEENCH!

That's enough of that. Please go back to juggling.

Christophe just hates some people on sight, for very minor reasons.

Christophe: Take that, pretzel-head!

I've had sims with zero nice points who were nicer than him. He's
always grumbling in irritation under his breath, even when he's in a
perfectly good mood.

Blondie came over again. And by now I should probably tell you that her
name is Sienna. Christophe has but a single bolt of chemistry with her.

He also invited this girl over - she's the only one in town who has two
bolts with him. She's not as cute as Sienna but I like her name:
Cherry Alfredo. :D
He thinks about Sienna when he's with her, though, and ACR didn't
hit them once...

So it's Sienna he invites to move in!

But he says goodbye to Cherry Alfredo with his mouth.

Christophe: *OmnomnomnomCHERRYnomnom*

Sienna approves, apparently.

Christophe: Just move your hand in the direction of my 'rection,
baby... OMG YES YES I'm going to lose my V-tags yayyyy!

?
Why'd you guys stop and get dressed?

Okay, that's better...all systems go!

Christophe: Is ur hair different?

And then they jumped up and got dressed AGAIN. Because Mr. 10 playful
points fun meter was in the red and he somehow thinks sex just isn't fun.

Sienna turned to smut, prepared to rub one out on her own time.

Listen here...
YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I CAN CONTROL AND YOU WILL OBEY ME, CHRISTOPHE!

Finally.

Christophe: *looks bashful* That was...wow, that was really something.

Shy-sim flirting, aw.

Ah, the gratitude of the recently de-virginized.

She accepted!

Sienna spent her first day stalking Christophe a lot.

Sienna: But...why is he painting outside?

I dunno. You tell me, girl who wears her ruffled undies. Outside.

Sienna: Maybe I should have married a rich sim? *worry worry*

Yep, Sienna is a fortune sim.

He's rich in sperm!
Partake of it heartily!

(ew)

So a carpool showed up for Sienna the next morning.
Employment is good! And even though her job sucks, going by the car
picking her up, it's still better than Christophe's non-job.

But she was in bed when the carpool showed up.
Ooooh, will she make it in time?

She will.
This outfit and car gives us no hint as to where she works, though.

The culinary career STILL hasn't come up.
Come on...if there's one thing the world always needs, it's more dishwashers.

Sienna came home stinky but otherwise fine.

She may be too smart for this ISBI legacy.

Christophe: Hey Sienna...would you like some of my "French special
blend seasoning" on your food? LOL.

SO Charming.

*jump jump jump* *juggle juggle juggle*

Pleasure sims are the worst.

Sienna woke up in the middle of the night to take an angry pee.

And eat cereal.

Is there a baby happening?

Looks like it!

Christophe finally got his glamorous dishwashing job.

While Sienna has the day off and looks after herself exceptionally well.

Sienna: Zzzzz I should have never done more than kiss him...I
can feel BAD things on the horizon... ZZzzzz

Sienna? Meet the horizon. Sproooong!

She looks so forlorn, eating her spaghetti amongst stink and flies.

HAY GREAT JOB CHRISTOPHE YOU'VE GONE FROM DISHWASHER TO DRIVE THROUGH
CLERK!!! Way to aim high, buddy!

Christophe: SNOW!

Oh really?

You JUST ate a bowl of cereal, Sienna.

Yeah, cereal makes everything better.

They need to be hitched before the baby comes out, so let's make this
clean and painless, shall we?

Christophe shy-sim dances in celebration. It is the best.

Sienna does not shy-sim dance. She doesn't do all the outgoing-sim actions
either, though, so I guess she must be an inbetweener.

Oh, someone's just oh-so autonomously evil, isn't he?

YOU ARE ALWAYS EATING.
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT PREGNANT WOMEN NEED TO EAT THIS MUCH.

Playing chess in the snow in your underwear. While preggo, no less.
Looks like I don't have to worry that Sienna is TOO smart for ISBI.

Nope, definitely not.

Aw bb, of course that uniform doesn't make you look like an uber-nerd!

You're on your own now, Sienna. Quick! Get hot water, towels, and heroin.

Say hello to Ninette French! She has her father's hair and eyes, and her
skin is the shade between her parents'.

Impressive.

Sienna: Who put this infant in front of the fridge. I'm hungry!

You did.

Ninette: I can't wait to graduate from university!

Yeah...dream big, kiddo!

Waaaaiiiilllllllll

Or, you know, *insert annoying noise here*

Sienna: I saw you cheating! *minus minus*
Christophe: Au contraire, ma petite fleur.

Christophe's French is actually pretty bad, but he doesn't realize that.

Sienna's carpool again!

And this time she didn't wake up in time to catch it.
LOL hi appropriate dream.

Oh damn. I was hoping she'd get fired and CRY.
Not that I dislike Sienna! I'm just itching for some chaos, yanno?

Stop right there with that autonomously good parenting.
Do you want this kid to grow up stable and balanced, or something?

And a promotion, too?
Eh, well, at least she makes more money than Christophe.

You're paying attention to the wrong end of the baby, Sienna.

Oh?

The nanny they hired is a real prize. Christophe calls her Nanny Dearest.

Joy-buzzing: something Christophe just won't stand for.

Christophe: I AM GOING TO ROAST THE SHIT OUT OF SOME HOTDOGS TODAY.
SO WATCH OUT.

Sienna stood for hours with a screaming, stinky Ninette in her hands.
It was like she was in some kind of hormone-induced baby-holding trance.

Nanny dearest finally changed Ninette's diaper.

Damn! No wonder she was screaming. Her diaper was full of tin cans and
old boxes of rice-a-roni. o_O

Sienna fell asleep on these sandwiches so many times I'm surprised she didn't
end up with a permanent grilled cheese outline on her face.

Nanny Dearest: Yum. Tastes like a pregnant lady slept on it.

Christophe: I CAN'T ROAST THE SHIT OUT OF HOTDOGS NOW. WHY.

Being outraged: it makes sense.

Let's grow Ninette into a toddler, shall we?

Hmmm! I believe I see the potential for cuteness!

Sienna: OMG I just peed at my daughter's birthday. Please don't tell
anyone!
Nanny Dearest: That bitch just peed.

Poor Sienna. I guess she had a fear of being pranked by a stupid old bitch.

Sienna: SO YOU THINK YOU'RE TOUGH, HUH? WELL GUESS WHAT YOU ARE
STANDING IN MY PEE.

Yeah! Tell her!

And then Nanny Dearest slapped and poked Christophe until he almost CRIED.

Do you like Ninette's toddler hair extensions?

Do u?

Sorry kid, it's a maxis-makeover for you.

I'm super picky about my toddlers having realistic toddler hair, so maxis
really has the best options anyway.

I left her downstairs all night hoping she play some of the skilled toys.
Instead she sat next to her mother's pee and cried about the stairs
being in her way.

Then she went for a swim in the AIDS toilet.

Sienna held it together during her first pregnancy, but she's not doing
so well this time. Even Christophe looks a mite concerned.

There is reason for concern.

Yeah, poor Sienna.

This was hard to watch! Yet shamefully fun. I'm such a micro-manager of my
sims wants and needs, usually, that this is a massively different style of
play for me.

Christophe: Oh shit my wife looks SO FINE all passed out on the
floor like that, SO FINE that I can't even look oh shit.

I think this is the FIRST time he's blown hearts for her.
That's disturbing.

Christophe: I'm worried! What should I do?

Christophe: I'll do the dishes I guess. But HOT DAMN MY WIFE
LOOKS SO FINE.

Yeah, I guess that'd wake me up out of a trance, too.

Christophe's fun bar gets a big boost from playing with Ninette, so he does
it on his own quite a bit.

She likes to dance to the radio when her dad's busy elsewhere.

Christophe: I have this feeling something weird is happening.

Uh, yeah. Something is. O_O

It's the levitating, shy-sim dancing toddler!
Didn't this recently just happen in someone elses' legacy? I think I
assumed it was photoshopped at the time.
It's NOT.

Christophe is going to need another bowl of cereal to deal with this shit.
Because cereal solves all ills in this house.

But Ninette's too young for cereal, so she's OUT of here.

She just crawled to the end of the lot, I have no idea why.

Maybe because she knew this was about to happen.

HA! Christophe looks like he's shy-sim dancing at the sight of his wife
about to give birth.

Passing off the baby? Uh oh...

TWINS. D:

Giselle, with her dad's skintone, and Sacha, with her mother's. They both
have Christophe's hair and eyes.

I was concerned that this house wasn't big enough for one more baby, let
alone TWO! I'm thinking that I'll have to ditch the cute plasticbox lot
and build them a real no-frills type legacy shack with a little more room.
As for twins, I only hope that Christophe can handle them...

Because I'm fairly certain Sienna CAN'T.

Current Legacy Stats
Torch-Holders(founders/heirs): 1
Perma-Plat Sims: 0
Shrink Visits: 0
Social Bunny Visits: 0
Fires: 1
Self-Wettings: 2
Pass-Outs: 4
Fights: 0
Deaths: 0
SocialWorker Visits: 0
Alien Abductions: 0