simtarts

Well look here! It's an aerial shot of the Group Hug Group Home, a rustic and charming house set on the edges of Boomtown, my

pixel_trade hood. Decorated in soothing, cheerful colors, the Group Hug Group Home is a wee bit understaffed, and, um, about to become a bit overcrowded. Because as of now it has 8 residents from the August

pixel_trade founder collection, plus one additional, playable resident know as....

Reenie Tartpants! Also known as

simtarts (that's me!) sim-self. The new Group Hug Group Home residents may think I'm just another sim who's been committed against my will, but in truth I'm here to closely observe the group, keeping track of their failures and achievements. See, out in the real world I'm planning a sim-centric legacy challenge that will require a well-balanced and independent founder who can look after him/herself, as well as other sims on the property.

My judgment of the Asylum sims is pretty objective, improvisational, and not at all set in stone. Signs of irresponsibility (such as setting fires, crapping on the floor, shooting up in back alleys, passing out, or going into aspiration failure) will earn the offending sim a point. Doing responsible things, like serving meals or cleaning up garbage, will detract a point. It's pretty much like golf: the more points a sim gets, the more he's losing. :(

Now, let's meet the residents, shall we?

Real men don't wear pastels, you say? Or wear their hair in curls? Or spend hours in the tanning booth? Feh!

Skeptics can check out the manly, chiseled features of Appomattox (

charterzard), a Greek shipping heir who has big dreams of tripling his family's fortune by marketing a line of polos that are the exact same shade of blue as the Aegean Sea, which also happens to be the exact same color of his eyes.

Here's bubbly Albina (

dorkasaur_sims), a friendly busybody who volunteers at the local nursing home and once worked as a preschool teacher. She finds that those under five or over eighty-five have the most tolerance for her tendency to chat until her jaw aches. Whenever she's invited to somebody's house, she's sure to bring over a pan of fresh-baked brownies - chocolate is a great way to both make and keep friends.

Justice (

upendoaushi) did in fact consider law school - for about 2 seconds, anyway - until she realized that her unique brand of beauty had destined her for modeling. She's already walked the runways of Paris and Milan, and once she's snagged a few Vogue covers she has big plans to make a play for the rag's fashion editor. Stand aside, Anna Wintour - this devil prefers to wear Dior.

People tend to overlook and underestimate Richard (

jens_sims), and that's just how he likes it. Make no mistake: Richard has a nose for business and a bod for sin. His humble manners and H&M clothes disguise the fact that he's a genius at number-crunching and high-risk investments. He recently came very close to landing in jail for insider trading; luckily, he was smart enough to pin the whole thing on his business partner before escaping to Canada. His current identity is stolen, so no, his real name is not Richard at all. But you can call him Richard. Just please don't call him Dick. Unless you want to call him Tricky Dick...that's cool.

Stanwick (

needlecream) is a hardworking man who grew up in the rural countryside, around more critters than people. He's got old-fashioned manners and a quiet way about him, and people are frequently impressed by his balanced, steady nature. He doesn't need a lot of things in life, but he does possess a deep and profound longing for a spouse and children. Maybe one day soon....

It's possible that Niamh (

keoni_chan) is a bit of a perfectionist. She's had braces put on her teeth three times and she's still not happy with the results! She's deeply passionate about Irish History and Mythology, and has done extensive research on her family tree, convinced that she's descended from the moruadh. I mean, what else could those pointy ears be about? She also takes great delight in swearing at people in Irish.

Nikou (

lil_pixiedevil) is of Brazilian and Japanese descent. She often feels torn between the two cultures, as if she doesn't fully belong to either one, but she keeps her feelings of distress on the inside. She's simply not the sort of person to voice her discomfort to others. In fact, sometimes she'd rather not talk to people at all. It's so much easier to communicate in other, more earthly ways, like kissing. Or boning.

I also see from my notes that Nikou should have had a S3 skintone, not S2. Eek! My apologies to

lil_pixiedevil!

This here is Eight (

boolpropbea), so named because he's the eighth son of an eighth son and damn, his parents were just sapped of all their naming creativity by then. Because of his big, bustling family, Eight loves being surrounded by people. He's a natural born entertainer who would rather play hard than work hard, and he absolutely HATES ironing. Therefore, he rarely wears anything other than a jeans and tee-shirt. Why be uncomfortable, anyway?

And that concludes our introductions. I hope that the creators of the Group Hug Group Home residents have enjoyed the back-stories I've invented for their sims.

The welcome wagon for our residents consists of one lone sim: a very lost-looking Greer (

needlecream).

Greer: Ummm...so this is the 'Group Home' I almost got stuck in?

Yup, but I needed an even number of boys and girls, so I went with Stanwick instead of you. Sorry.

Greer: Oh, that's okay. Absolutely no need to apologize.

Hey, the Group Hug Group Home isn't that bad! The decor is actually quite cheery. It's just a little short on toilets, showers, beds, chairs, and fun things to do...

I guess she has a point. I'd rather be a townie, too.

Or talk about math!

Wait a sec.....in real life, I'd rather do ANYTHING than talk about math! My sim-self isn't like me at all! I demand a refund! This is just like the time I couldn't relate to that Matt Damon guy in Good Will Hunting or Russell "Carb-face" Crowe in A Beautiful Mind, because again, MATH! I demanded a refund then, too, and I left both movies in a huff. And then I regreted it because I couldn't relate when Russell Crowe and Matt Damon won oscars those respective years and it was like all the pomp and circumstance of the oscars were totally absent. And the moral of the story is that my sim self and I are like strangers these days and probably always will be.

While I'm boring Greer to death with my equations, everyone else is in the kitchen listening to Appomattox burp out the alphabet. Eight loves it! Justice and Niamh are disgusted and appalled. Stanwick is curiously unmoved.

Stanwick: Burping is just a part of life, like birds, grass, and the elusive platypus.

Stanwick just has this wisdom to him, yanno? I bet he reads Emerson and Thoreau and stuff.

While everyone else is desperately trying to get at the fridge, Justice makes herself some kind of pink dessert, then leaves it on the counter while she does all the dishes. She has to keep slim for her modeling career, even when she's on an unofficial "leave of absence."

There are other ways to get sustenance, after all. Little bits of sushi still cling to Appomattox' full Greek lips, and by making out with him, she gets in her 20 calorie limit for the day.

And then, when the sun goes down, some residents hit the sheets! Justice and Appomattox, is that you guys under there?

Ohmygosh!

Er...sorry to interrupt. I actually didn't know that you two had even.... spoken. But carry on, Albina and Eight. That's what the double bed's here for.

Beds are in short supply as the night wears on. Appomattox finds himself without a spot to rest his curly head.

A plate of sushi does not a comfy pillow make. Just ask Richard. Except you can't, because he's currently snoring into his wasabi...which probably stings a little bit, eh?

I feel like he should get some credit for sleeping in an upright position. Lord knows I couldn't manage that! But sadly, no; both Richard and Appomattox get a point for failing to find a comfy place to sleep.

Because she's basically starving to death, Justice has a superhuman metabolism and is able to star-gaze through the night.

Justice: Hey, thanks for keeping the bed warm!
Stanwick: Hey, no problem - to sleep is to dream, and to dream is to...be.

Mmm, wisdom.

The money has to come from somewhere, so my sim-self goes to work. I forget the job - journalism path, I think.

Nikou: OMG! Gotta pee...gotta pee!
Eight: This is nothing. I grew up in a huge family so I'm totally used to waiting for the toilet. I've got a bladder of iron-clad, steel-clad steel-ness.

Richard: Man, I'm glad I remembered that there's another toilet downstairs! Hah, those idiots are all queued up for the upstairs toilet while Niamh takes a long, lingering bubble-bath. Fools!

I guess you can break steel, after all, because Eight's iron-clad, steel-clad bladder has burst. And he was so close, too!

Point to Eight. :(

Eight: And I'm in pink boxers, too! Wahhhh!

Pink and pastels are manly. Ask Appomattox!

Eight: And I stiiiink! :(

This much is true.

Luckily, fighting his big family for the bathroom taught Eight a few methods for getting clean in a jiffy. Nikou is forcibly parted from her sushi platter in the process.

You should see how he does this outside. It involves a rain-barrel, a rag tied to a stick, and an industry-sized vat of flea powder from CostCo.

I see you there, Albina, pretending to eat your sushi while enjoying the free show.

So I think someone must have used Eight's rank, dirty sponge to clean the dishes. Either that or Nikou just got some bad tuna. She doesn't seem too upset about it, does she?

Wow. That's a whole lot of red. Who's the culprit? WHO?

APPOMATTOX?

Appomattox: I've never used a microwave before. Back on the yacht Papa always had the belly-dancers light the cheese on fire with their flaming pasties. Opa!

This is no excuse.

Wonder of wonders, I return home from work just in time to call the fire department and procure a fire extinguisher from my butt.

Help arrives just as I decide I'm more overwhelmed by Richard's stench than the flames.

Stanwick! You were supposed to be steady and unshakeable! Look at you, quaking beneath a potted fern. It almost brings me to tears.

I'm not sure if he was more afraid of stinking or more afraid of fire...

There are more sanitary places to experience a nervous breakdown. Just sayin'.

Niamh: I must be hallucinating, because there are goldfish floating out of my head...

Well actually, those are... You now, never mind. You just sit there while I make you some "juice."

Justice must operate outside the usual laws of time and space. She doesn't get tired when everyone else does, and she has her nervous breakdown after everyone else has already recovered. Case in point: Stanwick is behind her, standing straight and tall and in control.

Er, sort of in control.

Eight: He's making out with a bag of flour.
Nikou: But why?
Eight: Gluten intolerance. Leads to crazy, crazy cravings.

Richard: Here. I made comfort food for everyone. Hopefully, it will bring you comfort.

Nikou and Eight are speechless. I'm pretty sure they thought Richard was a mute until just now.

Albina: I like this mac n' cheese. But do you know what's even better than mac n' cheese? MAKING LOVE.
Eight: I prefer... beer in the fridge.
Richard: By the way, I'm mute.

Not just mute, but penniless. So, so penniless.

Justice is also penniless, and on top of that: stinky. It's hard to believe that just a few days ago, she was making herself throw up in the most glamorous bathrooms in all of Milan.

I joke, I joke! Eating disorders are serious and not funny at all...but not when Sims have them, so it's okay, right?

Everyone's too lazy and/or afraid to use the stove, so when Niamh breaks the microwave, Albina gives her hell over it.

Albina: You better fix that right now, you ginger hussy.
Niamh: Téigh transa ort féin!

Nikou has taken to fretting in her underwear, hoping that someone will take pity and lay down on top of her. For a romance sim, she's getting very little attraction to or from anyone in the house. Poor thing.

Niamh: Hey. Hey commentary lady. I made a healthy meal of sushi everyone. Now take away that point you gave me for that time I hallucinated goldfish.

Okay, fine. Good job cooking for the whole house, Niamh. You don't have to be so bossy, you know.

Eight shows his appreciation for the meal in the best way he knows how.

Eight: Hey, I like my fish smoked!
Richard: *pukes a little*
Stanwick: *ponders the elusive nature of toast*

Oh, lookie! The house's first tub pirate! Why am I not surprised that it's you, Eight? AVAST AVAST, etc.

Hmm....there's some other kind of plundering afoot, elsewhere in the house.

Oh lookie! Justice and Appomattox finally pooled their assets together.

Nikou and Albina probably feel sorry for Richard, watching their pseudo-lesbian foreplay from the sidelines like that. Little do they know that he's already figured out where to stash the hidden cameras around the house, so as to best catch their girlish canoodling and sell it to sad pervs on the internets.

Appomattox: ALBINA IS HOT AND I JUST FEEL LIKE HAVING A FIT ABOUT IT, OKAY?

Okay.

I'm confused?

Albina: I made sushi, commentary-lady.

Ugh, you guys are going to destroy the concept of sustainable fishing in a mere few days time, aren't you?

Stanwick: I am the brush...I am the paint. And now I spread myself upon the canvas in a veritable symphony of color.

It's so deep in its simplicity. Philosophize at me more, Stanwick!

Just another night in the Group Hug Group Home! Nikou is crying, Eight just got a semi, and Albina has a rip-roaring case of B.O. And Niamh just wants to take a frigging shower, thanks.

Finally, a

pixel_trade walkby!

petchy_14's Rosie Love.

So I bought a bar because I thought it would create some chaos. It didn't. They drank a little and then forgot about it.

They have nothing to do and they FORGOT about the bar. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

Richard: Hey commentary-lady, I made sush---

YEAH I SEE IT.

Sheesh. In other news, Albina looks cute.

Eight: Tfis ist tostally cufterble. Zzzzz.

People keep making sushi for the sole purpose of sleeping in it, I think.

WHAAAA? Stanwick is a secret tub-pirate! I never would have guessed! Or I would have, if I had been a good simmer and had written down his stats, but I didn't. I'm so disappointed in myself. I demand a refund. :(

SO. The ways in which my self-sim makes me demand a refund continue to pile up. She/I/Me/We decided it would be a good idea to hit on Tricky Dick, even though we have negative chemistry and a relationship of like 10/0.

Richard soundly rejects her, as well he should.

The couple who worries and frets together....does something else together? I dunno, I got nothing. Ooh, look! They both like Aegean-Sea blue!

Justice: Wait a sec... I'm throwing up without trying! Why? Am I pregnant? Oh god I hope it's not Eight's, he's so dirty!

I don't think it's Eight's. I barely see you two in the same room.

Nikou: Hey commentary-lady's self-sim. I made some bread...things. I'll just put them right here by your feet. But don't step on them with your tootsies, they're hot.

I...guess this shows independence and responsibility? At least she used the stove, even if she left it dirty.

I put in a hack-mod thing so I'd get more walkbys. This is Pericles by

needlecream.

And

boolpropbea's Kor'a Lys.

quellasims' Potion Summers stops to take in Appomattox and Richard's game of catch.

Potion: My granny throws better than that.

Shhh. He had a pampered life, our Appomattox.

He's used to the very best things money can buy, which is why it's sad that HE's the one to fall asleep on a lowly grilled cheese instead of a plate of spicy tuna rolls.

Eight: Sooo...you gonna eat that? Because I could get a spatula and sort of, um, pry it loose.

Invisi-pop!

Nikou: You're glowing.
Justice: I am? Already? Oh, goody! And it's only the second trimester!
Nikou: Yeah, the sun's going down and it's just really weird and orangey in here. So, you're glowing.

Again, I didn't know you two had ever even spoken to each other! But well done, I guess. That's why I bought the photobooth, and it's gone ignored until now. I demand a refund.

And that's the story of why I sold the photobooth shortly thereafter. :)

Justice has decided to take in some more calories now that she's pregnant. She thinks it's a bit odd and concerning that she's so skinny at her 2nd trimester.

Shhh, she doesn't know that outfit doesn't have a preggo morph.

It's interesting that the pregnant sim is able to take care of herself so much better than her poor partner. :(

Oh look, Stanwick made poptarts. Aren't you going to make a big announcement about it to me, Stanwick?

Stanwick: No. Either you notice my deeds, or you don't.

I have noticed them, Stanwick. Never you fear.

Niamh: I made Irish stew.

Well, that's kind of cute and clever, I guess. And Stanwick seems to enjoy the smell of it, and when Stanwick's happy, I'm happy, so well done, Niamh.

Eight: But I was gonna make the blub-blub-blub face... :(

You grew up in that huge family, Eight. You would think you would have learned to share by now.

And we shall end with Justice popping into full-fledged pregnancy! Pregnancies aren't supposed to be allowed in asylum challenges, but come on, don't you want to see what the Justmattox' spawn looks like? I know I do!

That was the end of the first week, and I plan to play for four sim-weeks total, or until everyone is dead. Whichever comes first. If anyone has any suggestions for adding DRAMA and INTRIGUE to the next weeks of play, please leave them in the comments! Otherwise I'll have to be creative and inventive on my own, and no one wants that.

POINT TOTALS*

Appomattox: 5
Eight: 2
Richard: 0
Stanwick: 0
Nikou: 0
Justice: 0
Albina: -1
Niamh: -1

*Some Sims gained points, but then worked them off later by doing something responsible, like making everyone eat sushi...again.

Featuring sims by

boolpropbea,

lil_pixiedevil,

needlecream,

jens_sims,

keoni_chan,

upendoaushi,

charterzard, and

dorkasaur_sims.

With cameos from sims by

petchy_14 and

quellasims.